- "I have a record contract!" "I don't drink any more!" "I'll call you tomorrow!
- "Terrorists have taken 90 accordion players as hostage. If their demands are not fulfilled on time, they threaten to release one of them every hour!
- How many jazz musicians do you need to replace a broken light bulb? Five. One who changes the bulb and four who want to know how he got this great job."
- A musical composer, a film composer and a jazz musician compare their GEMA checks. "Now I can finally buy the new sailing yacht," says the musical composer. "Now finally the new sports car is due," says the film. "Now I can finally buy a new sweater," says the Jazz musician. "And what about the rest?" Ask the other two. "My grandma gives me the rest !"
- The four basic rules that every roadie must know: "Is it dry? - smoking!" "Is it wet? - drink!" "It moves - fuck!" "It doesn't move - into the truck with it! "
- A musician proudly says that he has just made his first record. His friend is amazed: "Man, great, have you sold anything yet?" the musician: "Sure - my TV, my car, my house, my stereo system, my coin collection, my ..."
- World's best accordion damper? Smith & Wesson.
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